I grew up in Chicago, in a family that loved hockey, so to say that I have a bit of a bad opinion of the Detroit Red Wings is an understatement. They were always the enemy, “Scum,” devils on skates with stupid flying wheels on their chests. It was a way of life. An adversary we could all despise together from back in the days when there were only six teams in the NHL, and only one within driving distance of our little City by the Lake.
When “Don’t Stop Believing” became the defacto theme song of the White Sox 2005 run to the World Series, hockey fans around here cringed because that was “a Wings song.” Whenever someone said the words “the” and “Joe” together, bile rose in our throats. Names like Osgood and Zetterberg and Lidstrom, at least for my generation, became curses. But lately, that enemy has taken on a new face, and winged tires have been replaced on dartboards all across the Chicagoland area by orcas with “Cs” coming out of their butts.
The *expletive deleted* ‘Nucks.
But why do we hate them? Why has this team from Vancouver, a city where some of our best players hail from, become in the last year or so a team whose rivalry with us matches, and sometimes even surpasses, that of the dreaded Wings? Why do we grit our teeth every time we see blue and green combined in a gaudy fashion? Why do a goalie’s tears taste like ambrosia to this city? Like a rainstorm after a long drought? Like manna from heaven?
The answer? Well, many, many reasons, actually.
Some people might think the rivalry started in the Western Conference Semi-Finals last year and, to some extent, they’d be right in thinking that. Unless you’re the Nashville Predators for some inexplicable reason, playoffs generally create deep rivalries, at least in fans’ eyes. Up to seven games in a two-week period against the same team? Passions and determination running deep in players that just want to make it to that next round? One step closer to glory and Lord Stanley’s big shiny Cup of Awesome?
It’s understandable that the fires would be sufficiently stoked. But make no mistake, there was no love lost between these teams prior to that beautiful stretch in May 2009, mostly thanks to a shiny day in late March when the Canucks proved to us all, definitively, what a bunch of sniveling punks they truly are.
Incident Number One: The Infamous Hair-Pulling Line Brawl
The Scene: The United Center
The Date: March 29, 2009
The Culprits: Pretty much everyone including the peanut vendors
It was our last meeting of the 2008-2009 regular season. We knew going into it that there was a good chance we’d see them again in the playoffs and the gloves, for lack of a better term, were already off. The Hawks were losing and Buff was sticking his rear end in Luongo’s face – a place he’d get very comfortable over the ensuing weeks. And then Buff… well… he sort of shoved Luongo… in the face. A little jab that ended up sending the Hawks and ‘Nucks into a brawl that would result in multiple penalties including six, count ‘em SIX, ten-minute misconducts. And one very, very infamous hair pull:
Notice how even after the initial battling is done, and the penalty boxes are full, Bolland and Daniel Sedin, the Evil Twin, still mix it up. Apparently, the penalty boxes just weren’t full enough for those two rabble-rousers:
It feels really strange to call Little Davey Bolland a rabble-rouser… Moving on!
Incident Number Two: And So It Begins
The Scene: GM Place
The Date: April 30, 2009
The Culprits: Ben Eager’s Elbow, Rick Rypien’s Face, and some others I suppose
A month after the Line Brawl to End All Line Brawls, the Hawks and ‘Nucks opened their playoff series in Vancouver and it didn’t take long for the cheap shots to fly, one in particular coming in the second period when Eags elbowed a puckless Rypien in the face:
It was a cheap, late hit for sure. Not the kind of stuff you like to see. And it wasn’t the only cheap shot of the night, one that ended with Kyle Wellwood losing a tooth and needing stitches thanks to high sticks from a team not exactly known for its goonish behavior. Bad blood, apparently, was already brewing on both sides of the ice, and that was only the beginning.
Incident Number Three: What Was That You Said?
The Scene: GM Place
The Date: May 2, 2009
The Culprits: Blackhawks Active Sticks
He was Johnny on the spot. That’s his thing. He got a gift on a turnover on one in front of the net, and the other one was just a power play and it was kind of a rebound that went right to him. That's kind of his game. He's kind of like [Sidney] Crosby that way. Crosby will stand off to the side of the net and not really be involved in things and get a lucky rebound and put it in the net. He kind of has that puck luck.
Like I said, I think he got a gift on both goals, and he was really quiet, I thought, and for the most part their team was really quiet. He's a fine player, but I think where he is going to do his damage is on the power play. He is not a guy who is really going to hurt us even strength, so that is kind of where we have to be aware of him.
After uttering these lovely admonishments in between Games One and Two about Patrick Kane, super douche nozzle Willie Mitchell would see the first signs of the crow he’d be eating before the end of the series. Coming from behind (it was their THING that year, yet another reason for the Canucks to hate us I’d imagine, we just wouldn’t DIE), the Hawks took a fairly commanding 6-3 win home with them, evening the series and making it anyone’s game.
Incident Number Four: Kaner’s Hat Trick / Luongo’s Breakdown
The Scene; The UC
The Date: May 11, 2009
Culprits: Kane’s Amazing Talent and Luongo’s Tears, also some of Ladd’s elbow and a little Kesler blood thrown in for good measure
It was Game Six of the Stanley Cup Western Conference Semi-Finals and Kaner decided to pick that moment to make Willie Mitchell look like an absolute moron. Kane can’t score five-on-five? Um, evidence to the contrary my friend:
Kaner’s comments after the game:
Any time you get a wake-up call from old Willie Mitchell -- he decided to make some comments that fired me up. He said I couldn't play five-on-five, and I had three goals playing five-on-five tonight, so ask him about that.
Thank you, Mr. Mitchell.
Another noted event in this game (aside from the fact that the Hawks won three straight against the ‘Nucks, kept coming back from behind in the game itself and ended up beating the snot out of them in embarrassing fashion to take the Series Win) is the beginning of the Ladd/Kesler Feud of Doom, with Ladd breaking Kesler’s nose on what is arguably a good hit (for my money, it looks like the two of them just collided, no intent, but I could be biased… hell, I’m sure I’m biased, but whatever):
This would not be the last time these two would tussle, mark my words.
And there is, of course, only one way to end a discussion of last year’s Game Six, and that’s with a video of Luongo’s sweet, sweet tears:
That, my friends, was a good day to be a Chicagoan.
Arguably the biggest reason why the Canucks hate us, we took a series that they were a few minutes away from taking a commanding 3-1 lead on and turned it into a rout. Never say die? Yup. That’s the Blackhakws for ya.
Incident Number Five: Toews’ Broken Head
The Scene: The UC
The Date: October 21, 2009
The Culprits: Jonathan Toews and (surprise, surprise) Willie Mitchell
In the first game against Vancouver this season, Willie Mitchell absolutely obliterated Tazer on what is quite possibly the only truly clean hit of the guy’s career. Toews just plain didn’t see him coming. It still kind of makes me sick to watch Toews trying to get off the ice after that hit, one that would put him out for six games with a concussion, but I suppose justice was later served when, not too long ago, Mitchell was knocked out with the same affliction and hasn’t been seen since.
Karma? Perhaps:
Seabrook also suffered “concussion-like” symptoms after this game thanks to a kick in the face (seriously) and the season opened with a bang between the two teams. Not like we expected it to go down any other way.
Incident Number Six: Another Day, Another Dollar, Another Fist in Someone’s Face
The Scene: GM Place
The Date: November 22, 2009
The Culprits: Eags and Rypien
Eager and Rypien went at it again in the second meeting of the season. There really isn’t too much set up or explanation needed for this one. They both don’t like each other. They both enjoy punching people in the face. It’s a win-win situation for all parties concerned:
It’s nice to have continuity in life, isn’t it? Makes you feel all warm and tingly.
Incident Number Seven: Kesler and Ladder Renew Their Torrid Love Affair
The Scene: GM Place
The Date: January 23, 2010
The Culprits: Andrew Ladd, Ryan Kesler, who else?
The puck dropped right about the same time as the gloves on this one. Immediately following the face off our two boxers squared off and circled each other like a couple of professionals. Then Andrew Ladd got a really good shot in on Kesler, after which Kesler tackled him to the ground because he’s a chicken and didn’t want anything else to get broken in an actual, real fight:
Ladder’s taunt as he’s being escorted off the ice is my favorite part for obvious reasons. Ah, memories! They light the corners of my mind, honest.
After the game, Kesler decided to be a whiny baby and mouth off to the Vancouver press about how Ladd was, apparently, the coward in this particular situation:
He's a coward. He'll always be a coward, At least he was man enough to hit me when I was looking this time. He cross-checked me in the face [last year in the playoffs] and broke my nose when I wasn't looking.
Poor. Baby. According to Ladd, the Hawks had a good laugh about Kesler’s comments afterward, adding:
We squared off. He took a shot, then pretty much threw me down. It didn't seem like he wanted to fight anymore. He was talking a lot before [the fight] and wasn't saying much after that.
Oh boys!
Incident Number Eight: Limo Gate
The Scene: The streets of Vancouver, cruising with the ladies
The Date: January 23/24, 2010
The Culprits: Kane, John Madden, Kris Versteeg, and some tastily dressed local Vancouver girls
After their loss to the Canucks, Kane, Madden and Versteeg went out. Got drunk. Met some girls. Rode around in a limo with them. And posed for some… um… mildly embarrassing photos:
The next day, the Vancouver press published these photos and so began Limo Gate 2010. Kane was forced to make this totally unnecessary public apology for the incident (even though he didn’t do anything illegal, and even though he wasn’t the only one there, and, unlike Madden, wasn’t actually a married man caught in a borderline compromising position):
And the entire city of Chicago groaned at the fact that this was a “scandal.” Everyone was overage, no one did anything illegal, it was just boys having fun, being boys. You telling me these were the first hockey players to pick up chicks and ride around topless in a limousine?
Oh wait, Shane O’Brien still has his shirt on. My bad.
Incident Number Nine: Olympic “Smack Talk”
The Scene: GM Place… er… rather Canada Hockey Place
The Date: Late February, 2010
The Culprits: Mainly Kane and Luongo, but there were some other guys there as well
When Marty Brodeur (sometimes known as Fat Bastard) imploded as Canada’s #1 goalie, Luongo got a chance to make up for previous choke jobs by backstopping the Canadian team in the Olympics. Teammates knew Kane had had success on him before, so they asked him what he thought. Word got back to Luongo that Kane was claming he had a “book” on dear, sweet Lou. He probably cried at the discovery.
Later, after Canada managed to squeak by an American team that wasn’t even supposed to make it to the Medal Round to win Gold (disclaimer: I was actually rooting for Canada to win – I love Canada, and we had more members on the freaking Slovakian team than on the American one this year so despite being an American fan of an American based team, I was bleeding red and white for those two weeks).
But after they won, in the friendly handshake line customary in the end of all hockey series, Luongo shook Kane’s hand, walked a little bit away, then grabbed his jersey and tugged him back to say the following:
I’ll see you in the playoffs this year.
Preoccupied much, Lou? Nice to know that immediately after you won THE GOLD MEDAL FOR YOUR COUNTRY, the first thing on your mind was your crippling, embarrassing loss to the Blackhawks almost ten months prior. That's what it looks like to have prime real estate in someone's head, folks.
Kane laughed at the prediction, and had the following to say about it afterward:
That's the first time, to be honest with you, I ever talked to him, I said, “OK, let's do it.”
And doing it they are…
Incident Number Ten: Luongo’s Meltdown 2.0
The Scene: The UC
The Date: March 5, 2010
The Culprits: Every Hawks player and the back of the net, and some fists of fury as well (bet you can’t guess who)
In our last regular season meeting with the Canucks this year, fans at the UC (and players on the Home Team Bench) gave Luongo something to think about if and when we managed to see them again in the playoffs. In a 6-3 drubbing of the hated ‘Nucks on home ice, Hawks players frustrated the “superstar” goalie so much that he broke his stick over his bench when he was pulled after choking up five goals in one period (he left after the first period and never returned to the ice that night). And as he was being pulled and throwing a tantrum like a four-year old? The crowd was chanting “Looooooo” like a bunch of pros. It’s actually quite fun to watch the entire recap of this game:
There were also two fights of note in this game, one between Brent Seabrook and new ‘Nuck, Andrew Alberts:
Someone should’ve mentioned to the kid that if you’re going to pick on someone from our team, it really shouldn’t be Brent Seabrook. Live and learn, I suppose. Later on Ben Eager would square off with Tanner Glass (what, was Rypien otherwise occupied?):
Ladd and Kesler also “scuffled” a little bit, but nothing came of it (sadly), and Buff squared off against someone without an actual fight, and the Hawks and Canucks walked away from another punishing, bruising battle that, as fate would have it, would be rekindled once again in the dying months of the 2009-2019 hockey season.
Incident Number Eleven: Everyone’s a Critic
The Scene: The Vancouver Media Outlet
The Date: Between the first and second rounds of the playoffs
The Culprits: All the usual subjects
In preparation for the series, the Vancouver media thought it would be fun to play the Blackhawks’ goal song, “Chelsea Dagger” for some of the more obnoxious Canucks players to see what their reactions were. It. Was. Hilarious. And all of our favorite enemies were there for the fun:
Chicago media got into the game as well, asking what the Hawks reaction to the Canucks reaction was (that sentence sounded awfully convoluted) and while funny, it showed one glaring thing to me as a viewer: The hated “rivalry” between these two teams is much stronger on the other side of the border, even according to Kesler:
The rivalry is probably more of a rivalry to us than it is to them.
Couldn’t have put it better myself. Probably because the hate always runs deeper for the loser, right? Anyway, here’s the video:
There is still some hatred down here, though. Burish, for instance, stated before he was pulled back into the series after Game One that there isn’t one guy on the Canucks he’d have a beer with, even if they were buying. And when you watch these teams on the ice, the chirping never stops. Whether or not the hatred is anything real and lasting, both sides are more than willing to play that up on the ice, and it usually, as you can see from the examples above, results in fireworks of some kind.
Old. Time. Hockey. At its finest.
Incident Number Twelve: Now That’s What I’m Talking About
The Scene: GM Place
The Date: Cinco De Mayo, 2010
The Culprits: A whole bunch of people
After splitting the first two at the UC in the Western Conference Semi-Finals this year in a pair of games that, considering the players, were actually rather tame, the series moved to Vancouver. And that, not surprisingly, is where things got ugly for real.
Vancouver beat us pretty handily in Game One, as we apparently slept through at least 45 minutes of it, and after another craptacular start in Game Two the Hawks finally tightened up and ended up stealing a win right from underneath Vancouver’s skates in the final minutes of regulation (sound familiar?). It was predicted that Game Three would be a blood bath, and it sure got close.
It started early, the Hawks crashing the crease, putting pressure on Luongo, gobbling up the rebounds he just left lying on the ice like free candy and planting them in the net. Vancouver, a team that’s been known to take stupid penalties when they get out of sorts, started acting like a bunch of idiots as soon as the score began to slip away from them. And it only got worse as the game progressed.
Chicago won pretty soundly, playing very much like they played at the beginning of the year, a total team effort that ended in a pretty decisive win to take the series back to Chicago with a 2-1 lead. There were bad calls on both sides of the ice, penalties missed entirely, bad penalties called, but the difference between how the Hawks handled it and how the ‘Nucks did is that we didn’t panic. We didn’t make jack asses of ourselves by taking even more dumb penalties. We played with a semblance of patience and we came out on top.
As the game was nearing its end, a fight started by the Blackhawks bench. It was Daniel Sedin and little Davey Bolland again this time, starting with Sedin trying to smash Bolland’s face into the boards before Hair Puller Burrows came in to the “rescue” and tried to do what he does best. Only problem was, Bolland doesn’t have any hair to pull.
While this was happening, O’Brien decided to take a run at Hossa because he was mad that Hossa made him look like a complete and utter fool earlier in the period on Chicago’s fourth goal. People were tossed, penalty minutes piled up, and the Hawks got a chance to taunt another Canucks player from the bench, just how they like to:
This, of course, isn’t the end by a long shot. And I, for one, can’t wait to see how it all plays out.
Matchups of Note:
It wouldn’t be a good analysis of the Chicago/Vancouver rivalry without a recap of who hates whom, right? And I think it’s only fitting to start with those who haunt Roberto Luongo’s dreams because… yeah… it makes me all kinds of happy.
Kaner’s Stick & Buff’s Ass vs. Luongo’s Mushy Brain
We all know why Lou hates Kane – the Hattie in the last game of the Semis last year would be enough, but apart from that it really does seem like Kane’s got Big Lou’s number big time. And speaking of big, Buff’s large rear end has been planted in Luongo’s face so many times in the past, usually resulting in ugly, depressing goals for the ‘Nucks, that it wouldn’t surprise me one little bit if the Boogie Man in Lou’s closet looked exactly like Dustin freaking Byfuglien.
Ladder vs. Kesler or Who’s the Coward Now?
I think the reasons are pretty obvious for this one…
Bolly vs. Daniel, the Lesser of the Sedins
Even though Bolland didn’t play for a large chunk of the season, and even though when he did he wasn’t always exactly stellar, Bolland’s line has been up in the grill of the #1 Line of Sedin/Sedin/Whomever Else for a long time now. And for some reason, Bolland and his pals Versteeg and Ladd are able to mess with their heads, and their game, big time. Point of fact: The Sedins along with Samuelsson were ON FIRE in the first round versus the Kings. This round (not including Game One)? They’ve been ghosts. And that’s thanks in large part to the way Bolland’s line plays them.
The Sedins aren’t known for showing a lot of emotion, so when teeny tiny Dave Bolland can get Daniel Sedin to crack so hard he’s trying to face plant him in front of four refs? You know you’re doing something right.
Patrick Kane vs. The Vancouver Media
As if Limo Gate wasn’t enough, the Vancouver media recently saw fit to dredge up even more old news:
This was on the cover of their Version of The Red Eye the day before the Hawks arrived in Vancouver. And while I have no disillusions about what a bunch of morons and hacks the Vancouver media can be, this one kind of drew the line in my mind. Tasteless. Utterly tasteless.
After the Hat Trick last year, though, Kaner became Public Enemy Number One in Vancouver, and it’s clear that’s not going away any time soon (though he generally has to share the top spot with Buff).
The Entire Hawks Bench (especially Eager and Bur) vs. Bieksa, O’Brien, Burrows, Kesler, etc, etc, etc
In case you couldn’t tell from my astute, totally non-lopsided analysis, the Vancouver Canucks is a team full of whiny, petulant, goonish boys. They talk a big game and throw cheap hits left and right, but when it comes to actually doing anything of note (on the ice or in the boxing ring) they’re usually relatively absent. It’s like a team full of Adam Burish’s (disclaimer number two: I freaking love Adam Burish, but… yeah… he’s Adam Burish) only without the actual fun he brings. I suspect a lot more penalties before this series is done. A whole lot more.
So that’s the story… for now. How we got to where we are, only a few hours out from a pivotal Game Four in yet another Western Conference Semi Final matchup with our new nemesis, the Vancouver Canucks. Does this rivalry have history like the Red Wings? Hell no. But it’s got a lot of blood. A rivalry for a new age between two teams with a bunch of young guys who hate each other, just like every hockey team should. And that alone makes it worth a watch in my book.
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